Like I wrote in this post, I believe we go through most of our life feeling somehow inadequate and incomplete. I look around and I see many people trying to solve that feeling. They promise themselves that one day they’ll be happy and perfect, if only…
…they were beautiful. Many people believe that all their problems will be solved somehow when they overcome their physical flaws, by dieting or surgery for example. Kate Harding once wrote an essay called “The Fantasy of Being Thin” that explains why hoping that your life will be all better when you’ve lost that weight can be such a disappointing quest.
…they were loved. Another big group of people believe that their life will be complete and perfect when they find true love. Elizabeth Gilbert explains in this video we shouldn’t expect others to complete us:
Make me feel complete… That is far too complex a problem to be solved by changing one’s physique, and it is far too much responsibility to just expect someone else to be able to do it for you. It can’t be solved by buying nice things, by a list of impressive achievements, and it certainly will not be solved by having high expectations of your children. You cannot burden them with your feelings of inadequacy, believe me, they will have their own.
I spend a lot of time explaining where it doesn’t come from. Because people are always looking in all the wrong places. It seems that the hardest thing to do, is to look at ourselves, accept the flaws we have, and believe that we are perfect and complete and beautiful anyway. Do not place your hope on outside forces, when the answer lies within.