Acting my age?

I often read John Scalzi’s blog Whatever, and today he shared an old video of his daughter when she was young and adorable. It gave me mixed feelings. Then a friend on facebook changed her profile picture to the inspirational message: “There is absolutely no good reason to act your age.” Now I just have to write about my feelings…

I hate being reminded that I was a cute little girl once, my family has noticed that more than once. I still hate princess pink and bows in hair and many other cute things. I do not want to be cute. I feel that being called cute somehow cancels out my wisdom and my wicked smarts. If people think I’m cute, they won’t take me seriously, they won’t believe I’m skilled and organised and qualified. And I worked hard to become this skilled and wise. I won’t let a dash of hot pink take that away.

It’s silly of course, most things happen at the same time. Meredith Brooks taught us that we can be many things at the same time, and life in general has taught me in the past few years that I am a polymath with many labels. Still, I haven’t overcome my loathing for cute hot pink things.

Acting my age is what will get me a good job. People who work with me, have noted the peace and order I can bring to a project. The constructive criticism and sharp remarks I can give, are welcome signs of intelligence and experience. I’m proud of and satisfied with that part of me. It’s definitely not something a young girl could pull off. I never enjoyed being a girl. I am enjoying being a woman very much.

strange dream

I had a dream early this morning in which Ork and Sna were organising a party for me. My mum was baking cake and there were a lot of strangers walking around our house. I remember seeing some strangers and walking up to them to ask them very politely to leave. “Sir, I don’t know you, and you happen to be in my bedroom. I would like to ask you to leave.” And the gentleman looked at me, and then looked at the dolphin in the swimming pool right next to him. I replied: “Yes, I am eccentric. I still want you to leave.”